Got a job offer that I can't take because my car is broken. It's for pizza delivery. I have to say no because my car isn't working? that sucks so much. I can't even begin to explain how stupid this is. Also, I can't go back to school until I get a job. That's the worst news ever. How did I get to this low of a point in my life? I can't go to school or find work because my dumb ass car has a broken strut. There isn't a thing I can do about it. It's such a negative feeling. I am sick of negative feelings all the time. I guess I just feel fucked over somehow. Maybe I did it to myself, maybe not. Either way it's not how I should be living my life. Maybe I just need to really get away, but how? I've got my friends and family here but no way to better myself.

There is nothing positive about the position i'm in right now. Everything seems to be a waste of my time. I can't keep a job for the life of me and I am always out of money. Scratch that, i have 1 dollar. Oh joy. Now I just have to remember not to spend it all in one place. What the hell am I going to do now? All I do is fill up space in my parents house. I am damn sure they want me out of here. Probably just as much as I want to be out. Everything feels so negative, even when I am hanging out with my friends I have no confidence. Whatever, here's to wasting the rest of my life.

I've finally realized that my friends aren't what they used to be. They used to care about every little thing and now it seems like things are fading. It isn't something I am upset about or anything, I just know now that they don't see me the same way they used to. That's fine though because maybe it is time to move on. Certain things are even upsetting about it. I feel like a couple of them have just been so damn shady or they just drop off the face of the planet. I shouldn't have to wait forever for you to come hang out, I am your friend. I should be a priority and not just one of your stops a long the way of whatever YOU want to do. So to say the least, I am not going to be making an effort to come hang out. I no longer feel invited and therefore my decision is made.

techfest was so sweet this weekend. Too bad I got pulled over on the way, i hadn't even left my area, i was at 13 and hayes area. Fuck fraser cops, especialle officer poole and his fuckin motorcycle. he is a big fucking tool. They also had a dog search my car and it's alllll scratched to hell plus the hole in my leather seats. I hate those douchecaps. I think ill file a complaint to the fraser police dept. sounds like a good plan.

It seems like i'm starting to get back into the game because i am regaining my confidence. I really miss having someone, and it's time to make that change.

so today i am feeling slightly empty. Not sure why but it's ok. Lately I've been getting myself outside more and have found it very pleasant. I like being out in the sun, among other things. I feel so secretive sometimes with it. Will I ever be healed enough to do something about it? I can only wait and see. Hopefully I can get up the courage to do what I necessarily need to do. Open up, find someone, become whole. That's the basic process right? Not so easy. I can turn my life around.

i can't trust my family anymore. that's good to know.

don't leave your money lying around my family. ever. that's a lesson learned. I had all of my money (it wasn't very much mind you) stashed in my dresser and i set it there yesterday. I come to look for it today to realize that someone has stolen all of my money. There is nothing I can do about it because I have no proof. I should always leave my shit locked up or on me. i am so pissed off and hurt right now that all I want to do is physically hurt someone. I seriously just want to deck the motherfucker who took my stuff. i just don't understand how someone can be such of piece of shit.

Happy birthday to me! Gonna get some drinks later. should be awwwwwesome.

ex-girlfriends are talking to me today. not that its a bad thing, just weird that its like all in one day.

let's all just get drunk and forget about the bad things in life.

shoot bitches in the face. send me the contents of their wallets. i'm poor.

im still slizzard from the night before.

don't fucking throw me under the train when you have problems. deal with them yourself. I could care less about how stressed out you all are. It isn't my fault you can't plan a family party right. Get it together. I will not be made out as your bitch for this. You can figure it all out yourself. You won't get any of my help, i am not lifting a finger. Good luck fuckers. maybe if you smoked a joint you'd all chill the fuck out.

someone give me a life far from this place.

X-mas eve shouldnt have started out this shitty. Now I'm fucking annoyed as hell.


[edit]Christmas day is much better that's for damn sure.[/edit]

December 19th has the highest rating for Christmas spirit, even over Christmas day there is less Christmas spirit. That's crazy shit.

im so bored it makes me depressed.

Snoop Dogg
"Wasn't Your Fault"

[Voice talking (echo)]
Yeah .. niggas wanna take care of these hoes
Niggas wanna control these hoes
You can't control these bitches
These is independent bitches these years
You can't understand the 2000 in here?
Motherfuckers wanna put they mack down
Wanna put they soder down
Let a bitch do what she wanna do
If she chose to ride wit a G
Then let her ride wit a G
The bitch don't wanna sit back and be a housewife all the time
Let the ho be what she wanna be
A real slut, and let the ho get on and make her money
You understand? I got a homey sittin' by me
Understand this nigga don't understand because he's a young nigga
You know what I'm sayin'? I'm been in the game since '85
And I know a ho don't do nothin', wanna play a nigga like 9 to 5, alright

[Snoop Dogg]
YIKES, Shabba dabble do [light barking noise] I can dig it baby, you know
Because these hoes, they can't be controlled
You gotta find 'em, spot 'em, send 'em, get em, got 'em, you know

[Chorus - Male voice (Snoop Dogg)]
It wasn't (uh uh) your fault (it wasn't your fault)
You was only tryin' to be nice (tryin' be nice)
Only tryin to be nice, ohh (can't be nice to these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes (no, no, no)
You know you can't control these hoes (can't control these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes

[Verse 1 - Snoop Dogg]
What she do, she jumped out of her sleep and left the pad at a quarter to two
That's on you, you shoulda put your foot in her ass, like a pimp's supposed to do
But instead of goin' 'upside da head'
You bought her a 5 karat wit your bread
And then she went and gave her homeboy Ted some head
I ain't tellin' on her, I'm just sayin', what you do
When your bitch out of bounds and you don't know what to do
What we do, we check 'em from the gate, to keep a bitch straight
It's on you, see you can take her out and buy her all types of things
You's a fool, cause when she leave you, for what he do
You'll see fool

[Chorus - Male voice (Snoop Dogg)]
It wasn't (uh uh) your fault (it wasn't your fault)
You was only tryin' to be nice (tryin' be nice)
Only tryin to be nice, ohh (can't be nice to these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes (no, no, no)
You know you can't control these hoes (can't control these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes

[Verse 2 - Snoop Dogg]
Me and you, that's what you thought 'til your ass got caught
Shame on you, and now I understand why my momma used to tell me that
Ain't that true, you can't make a queen out a motherfuckin' hoodrat
Game on you, cause now you back at your momma house
And you sleepin' on tha copeasack
What's she do, I gave her the keys to my '74 Cadillac
Say it ain't true, she let a nigga drive it, ask tha homie Battlecat
Whatchu do, put my foot in her ass and mashed tha gas
You know me, and ever since that day my nigga, I've been P I M P

[Chorus - Male voice (Snoop Dogg)]
It wasn't (uh uh) your fault (it wasn't your fault)
You was only tryin' to be nice (tryin' be nice)
Only tryin to be nice, ohh (can't be nice to these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes (no, no, no)
You know you can't control these hoes (can't control these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes

[Verse 3 - Snoop Dogg]
Thats your boo, but she know every nigga in the Roc-A-Fella Crew
That's on you, baby blow too much, I mean she know too much
That's my boo, it's all about who she did and where she been
I love you, you shouldn't a told her that, you should a smacked her flat
Shame on you (shame on you), your so in love you fittin' to get a tattoo
That ain't cool (that ain't cool), love is blind and no friend of mine
If I was you, I'd a packed her bags and bust anotha bitch thats bad
Game got rules, if you lose a ho, you gotta gain a ho

[Chorus - Male voice (Snoop Dogg)]
It wasn't (uh uh) your fault (it wasn't your fault)
You was only tryin' to be nice (tryin' be nice)
Only tryin to be nice, ohh (can't be nice to these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes (no, no, no)
You know you can't control these hoes (can't control these hoes)
You know you can't control these hoes

(12:27:57 AM) Lauren: theres a coffee pot in here with no pot

I wish i could go
so far away
where time moves too slow
day after day

ill wait and ill sit and watch
the clouds as they go by
ill wait and ill sit and watch
the cloud as they go by

i have a sensation with laziness
procrastination is what i do best

ill wait

where has my ambition gone
i havent seen it for so long
am i a burden to someone

life,i am so tired
of everything
all my desire
is vanishing

ill wait..

aw shit lj is shuttin down for a minute.